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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27647171">Kobayashi Maru</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryEyes2000/pseuds/StarryEyes2000'>StarryEyes2000</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Discovery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Converation, Kobayashi Maru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:01:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,637</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27647171</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryEyes2000/pseuds/StarryEyes2000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Pike and Ensign Tilly discuss her upcoming Kobayashi Maru test.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kobayashi Maru</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was late by ship’s time, or rather early, as in the wee hours of the morning early. <em>What was I thinking, coming here at this time of the night? </em>Tilly thought as she pulled her hand back from tapping the notification button at the door. Turning to retreat, she saw Captain Pike walking towards his ready room cup of coffee in hand.</p>
<p>“Ensign, how can I help you?”</p>
<p>“Ah … sir … sorry, I don’t know why I came … I shouldn’t be bothering you especially after your injury.” Tilly stammered.</p>
<p>He opened the door and gestured for her to enter. “Sit and tell me what’s on your mind.”</p>
<p>Tilly hesitated and shook her head. “It was inappropriate to come at this hour and … if Dr. Pollard finds out I kept you from resting she will … well it won’t be pretty.”</p>
<p>Pike flashed that crooked half smile she adores. “It’s been three days since New Eden, and I assure you I am not that fragile. Besides, you’re being here is good for me in two ways. It will be nice to chat with you and,” his eyes crinkled in amusement, “if Dr. Pollard comes looking for me – she’ll have to go through you first.”</p>
<p>Her heart soared. Their new Captain had this uncanny way of saying, often in an understated and ordinary way, what you needed to hear. With that simple phrase – it will be nice to chat with you – she felt valued. Gone was her earlier awkwardness at seeking out her commanding officer in the middle of the night. She entered and followed him to the informal area of the ready room, sinking into the plush comfortable sofa. “Yes sir, I will be your shield.” She teased back. And noted he sat down gingerly, hand bracing his injured side.</p>
<p>Noticing her attention he responded, “It’s still a bit tender.”</p>
<p>Tilly raised an eyebrow, like Commander Una did when she was silently mocking him. “Tender? Are you kidding me? Do you really think anyone other than an addle-minded Ferengi buys that line?” At any time of the day or night, Tilly was always Tilly.</p>
<p>Pike chuckled and shook his head, clearly amused. “Point taken. It hurts – a lot. Dr. Pollard is rather stingy with the meds. She summed up her thoughts on the matter when she told me ‘maybe a little pain will teach you to avoid exploding phasers in the future’. Reminds me of my CMO on Enterprise.”</p>
<p><em>How cool is it that he is talking with me like a colleague or maybe even a – friend?</em> Tilly thought. “Yes sir, we’ve all learned it’s best to do as Dr. Pollards says. Saves a lot of lectures.”</p>
<p>“We’re not on the bridge. For tonight let’s dispense with the sirs.”</p>
<p>“Yes sir, I mean sorry sir. I mean … well its hard. Oh hell, I give up.”</p>
<p>“OK, just try.”</p>
<p>“Yes sir.” She shook her head. “Hazard of your job I guess.”</p>
<p>“Indeed. What did you want to ask me?” Pike asked.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You were looking for me, I assume you have a question, a comment, or a problem that needs solved.”</p>
<p>“Oh yes.” She hesitated.</p>
<p>“We’re off the record tonight, ask away.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Pike smiled, as if recalling a fond memory, “Ask away, a phrase my father uses. It means you can ask anything without repercussions.” Considering who would be asking the question he quickly added, “Within reason.”</p>
<p>“Why did you do it?” She pointed to his injured side.</p>
<p>His answer was immediate, his voice soft, “Because a child’s life was at stake.”</p>
<p>“But …” She started. Then stopped after observing his wrinkled forehead, as if her protest confounded him. As if the question was redundant and the answer obvious. And in that moment Tilly got it. He hadn’t calculated the odds of surviving before proceeding. For him, the situation didn’t require a decision. To Captain Pike it wasn’t a binary choice but rather unary. A child’s life hung in the balance. He acted, willing to trade his own.</p>
<p><em>Your guardian angel works a lot of overtime. He must swear like a sailor, smoke like a chimney, drink like a fish, and need a long, long vacation.</em> Tilly giggled at the picture in her head of a haggard looking angel with big white wings drooping, moaning ‘here we go again’.</p>
<p>This time Pike raised an eyebrow. “Did I miss something?”</p>
<p>She giggled once more. “No sir.”</p>
<p>He narrowed his eyes and looked at her speculatively. “I see. Good to know I amuse the crew.”</p>
<p>“Oh you really do sir …”</p>
<p>Pike interrupted, “Probably best if I remain in the dark on that one.”</p>
<p>“Definitely.”</p>
<p>They sat in silence for a few minutes, Pike allowing Tilly to set the pace of the conversation as she meandered her way to the true reason she wanted to talk at this unusual hour.</p>
<p>“There is a rumor you like horses.” She commented.</p>
<p>“That one is true.” He answered.</p>
<p>“Do you have any – back at home I mean.”</p>
<p>“Not at the moment. Horses form emotional bonds with us. It would be … unfair to establish that bond and then be gone for years at a time. But someday, when I am done with all of this, I may raise a couple of foals. Did you have pets?”</p>
<p>“No my mother didn’t care for them. I once built an engine from scratch, it felt sort of like a pet. Did you?</p>
<p>“The usual dogs, cats. And the wounded animals my mother found and brought home. The ones too injured to be released back into their habitat. At times it was like a zoo.”</p>
<p><em>How cool,</em> she thought. “What’s it like in deep space?”</p>
<p>As Pike answered his face lit up. “Amazing. Indescribable. Wonderous. I am ceaselessly in awe.”</p>
<p>Tilly was intrigued. “That sounds … poetic.”</p>
<p>“Hmm. I assure you I am not gifted with language.”</p>
<p>A harumph was her only response. <em>Not gifted my ass.</em></p>
<p>“Do I get to ask any questions?”</p>
<p>“About me? Seriously? Why would you be interested?”</p>
<p>Pike leaned forward slightly. And then winced, regretting the movement. “I am. You are talented, brilliant, and …” A dimpled smile appeared. “impulsive and voluble. You embrace the unknown and improbable. Your potential is … vast. I am interested to see what and who you will choose to be.”</p>
<p>The relaxed conversation and confidence boost gathered her courage. “Commander Saru requires all the command training candidates to take the Kobayashi Maru in six months.” Tilly paused. “I’m … not ready. I don’t know how to prepare.”</p>
<p>“I see. There is no way to prepare – that is the point.”</p>
<p>“I don’t understand. It’s a test. For a test you read the material, understand it, seek out guidance and opinions and then demonstrate your knowledge. What materials do I read? Past missions? Past failed missions? Command styles? Rescue operation protocols? Whose advice do I seek? May I seek yours?”</p>
<p>“You may always ask me for guidance. But the Kobayashi Maru isn’t about demonstrating knowledge.”</p>
<p>Tilly drummed her fingers on the sofa cushion. “This is very frustrating. Then why have a test? What is being graded? What does the instructor expect?” She continued in a huff. “Is the party line true? There is no way to win or in other words no way to pass. It’s a ‘what do you choose when all the choices are bad’ test. I <em>hate</em> to fail.”</p>
<p>Pike leaned closer to Tilly and steepled his hands. “I am not sure when the … practice was labeled a test, but it is a poor and utterly inaccurate descriptor. And a disservice to the true intent. My former Captain, Robert April, pushed to have it introduced into the Academy curriculum. As an exercise for all cadets in their final semester, not only the command track students. The specific decisions you make during the exercise are irrelevant. We aren’t judging your choices.”</p>
<p>“So it <em>is</em> true then, you are grading how we react to failure!” Tilly replied, slightly triumphant. <em>Now I know what to study.</em></p>
<p>“No. There is no assessment apart from your own. And a single experience cannot teach you how to cope with failure.”</p>
<p>“I don’t understand.”</p>
<p>“At this point in your training are you not already keenly aware no-win scenarios are real and too frequent? Pike asked.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Then why would we test you on confronting failure? Something you will face many times during the years of command training.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Is that why, when then Cadet Kirk cheated and reprogrammed the simulation, you advocated to overturn his expulsion from the Academy and Starfleet?” Tilly asked.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>
  <em>So that rumor is true as well.</em>
</p>
<p>“And I wasn’t the only one.” Pike added.</p>
<p><em>Maybe not, but you spearheaded it.</em> “But he cheated! Why would you condone that?”</p>
<p>Pike inclined his head slightly. “I guess there are two answers to that question. The surface answer is you cannot cheat if it isn’t a test or graded assignment.”</p>
<p>“And the real answer?”</p>
<p>“I have a question first. Now that you know more, why, do you think, are commanders in training required to complete the exercise?”</p>
<p>Tilly looked baffled. “I don’t know sir.”</p>
<p>“When all options are bad and time is short, your decisions are instinctual, emanating from your core self. Your true nature before it was overlayed by mores, and rules, and training. <em>That</em> is the purpose of the Kobayashi Maru. Gaining insight about yourself. Cadet, now Lieutenant Kirk, demonstrated he will go to any lengths, use any means at his disposal, challenge the rules, often creatively, to accomplish what he believes is right. If he embraces that and uses it wisely, he can be a great commander.” Pike explained, his tone serious.</p>
<p>He smiled at the young Ensign as he concluded, “The answer to your original question is you are already prepared. See who you are Sylvia, and then be her, without fear and unapologetically.”</p>
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